Just Another Party
by AmetheystRose
Summary: This was inspired by a crack!vid on Youtube. What if the Chitauri aren't really evil? What if Loki promised them Midgard as their vacation destination? Reviews would be really nice, hope you all enjoy this!
1. Chapter 1

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri.**

_**Prologue: Deal!**_

A smirk graced the stranger's angular features before flitting away. "Yes, General. Midgard is a wonderful place to have a party. You and your citizens will be very happy indeed."

The Chitauri General was very proud of his home planet. They had a competition between Chitaur (their home planet) and Muspelheimr, the home of the Fire Giants. They had betted on the average scores of the teenagers on combat tests. Because Chitaur had won, the Chitauri General was planning a massive party to celebrate. Like a vacation of sorts.

Frowning, General Scalebe leaned forward slightly. "What do you want in return?" He asked the stranger, the one who smelled like ice yet looked like the Aesir.

"The scepter, that is all I require. You know that only the offspring of a Frost Giant can use it. I am of the heritage; you can smell it on me, surely. Give me the scepter, and I will find the Tesseract, use it to open the portal, and you will have your party, General." The stranger requested.

General Scalebe pondered this for a moment. He thought about the delight on his children's faces, and the decision was made in a heartbeat. "Deal."


	2. Chapter 2

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe.**

** Wow. Just wow. Thank you so much, **_**Dairi, Kakashi Forever, **_**and **_**TheParadoxicalOtaku **_**for reviewing! I love you guys sooooo much right now! I hope you will be happy with drunk! Loki!**

_** Chapter One: When Loki Gets Drunk**_

Lieutenant Denant was frantically running around the Chitauri military base, yelling into his built-in earpiece. Other officers were mimicking him, and armed foot soldiers stood stoically around *tirantium crates, though their grayish green eyes betrayed their panic. If you weren't in on the plot, you would have thought that the Chitauri were preparing for war. Alas, this was a much more serious issue than petty war.

No, the reason for all the bustle was-

"General! Generalwejustrecievedtheship mentsthey-" Denant cried in a rush as he skidded to a stop beside General Scalebe, who was walking next to a tall, pale stranger.

Oh well. I suppose your explanation will have to wait.

"Slow down, Lieutenant." Scalebe ordered. "Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Good. Now, please _enunciate_."

"The, the, thethethethethe…" Denant trailed off, glancing at the stranger, who was wearing a nasty smirk, rather nervously. Leaning in, he whispered to the general: "Sir, the shipments arrived, but-"

"Ah! They arrived!" Scalebe bellowed. "What is the problem, Lieutenant?"

Swallowing, Denant steeled himself. "There- there- the- there is toomuchsiryessir."

Frowning, Scalebe collected himself. "What do you mean, there is too much?"

The poor officer was shaking. "They thought we ordered 12 crates, sir, but we only wanted 6. They demand the payment for 12 crates, sir."

A grin made its way across Scalebe's face. "Why, that is good news, Lieutenant! We can use the extra 6 crates today, just for the high rankers!"

Slowly, Denant began to grin in response. The stranger interrupted them, though. "What have you ordered, if I may ask?" He asked in a cool tone.

Scalebe turned to him. "Prince Loki, we have ordered the finest Svartelheimr mead for our party on Midgard! You must join us at the foreparty that will take place in three, two, one!"

Mead? I thought he was ordering weapons! Apparently not.

A very confused Loki was dragged roughly over to where the other officers had already started placing the six crates onto the large table. "I really think-" Loki began, but was soon silenced as a cup of mead was dumped unceremoniously down his throat. Coughing, Loki glared at the General, who didn't seem to notice.

All of a sudden, Loki felt himself feeling lighter, and also much happier. He downed cup after cup of mead, until he finally became drunk. "I recall one time when I went hunting for a bilgesnipe." He slurred to a drunken Denant, who was listening very intently. "Its horns got stuck in a tree-e-e-e-, and then as I app-pproached it, it kicked me in the place where the sun don't shine!" The two laughed hysterically, but surprisingly no one else noticed them.

"I remember when I hunted a sssssshakee, it had three wings. I said to it 'Why do you have three wings?' and it covered me in snot!" Roaring in laughter now, Loki banged his head on the table, and after sloppily downing his sixty-fourth cup of Svartelheimr mead, promptly passed out, snoring in his chair. Denant was smashed in the head by another officer, and a fight broke out, right in front of a happily passed out Loki.

Therefore, it came as no surprise when the entire military plus Loki woke up with massive hangovers, no knowledge of the stories traded, and the one officer that had picked a fight with Denant was, oddly enough, found on top of the roof of the building.


	3. Chapter 3

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe****. ****Oh, and Okolehao is a real drink. Our Language teacher told us about it when we were making Ti leaf leis, so I thought it'd be fun to include it. Enjoy!**

_**Chapter Two: Chitauri and Loki and Mead, Oh My!**_

It really wasn't Denant's fault. Heck, he didn't even know the officer he had somehow dropkicked onto the roof. The poor officer was still grumbling about it, though, and would have threatened to sue him had Denant not looked so much like the Chitauri equivalent of a puppy.

Still, there were consequences, dished out by the General. Scalebe had told him very apologetically: "Lieutenant, I realize that you were drunk, and that you were not exactly yourself, but we do need discipline, once in a while. So, you are not allowed to attend the second foreparty today."

Denant's jaw dropped faster than a hundred ton block of tirantium. "Nooooooo! General, please, have mercy! I'll do grunt work, I'll scrub the bathrooms after the foreparty, just pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase let me gooooooooo!"

Two more Chitauri officers walked up to Denant, patting his back comfortingly as he sobbed on a very uncomfortable Scalebe. Reluctantly, he said: "Fine, Lieutenant Denant, but with one condition. You are to remain sober during the party; not one drop of mead, understand?"

Denant looked up at the general with shining, grateful eyes. "Thank you! Oh, thank you General! Thank you!" He shouted as the two officers escorted him away.

Rubbing his face with a metallic hand, General Scalebe sighed. There were still four more crates of mead left, and while Scalebe knew that the alcohol wouldn't last too long in the Chitauri's systems, it was always best to lay off the mead once in a while. Especially mead from Svartelheimr.

Scalebe was one of the few Chitauri officers that could hold his own against the strong liquor, which was made from fermented Ti roots, creating a sweet drink of high alcohol content, which was named Okolehao. Another drink, even stronger than Okolehao, was *Absithei, made from a white berry spirit found on Muspelheimr, *varmwode, green anise, *floranc fennel, hyssop, *melisse, *angelicea, peppermint, *vorenica, and *kioriandor. The drink originated from Jotunheimr, surprisingly enough. A peace treaty had been established between Jotunheimr and Muspelheimr, decreeing that each month, a crate of the white berry spirit was to be shipped to Jotunheimr, in return for some of the Absithei.

"Good evening, General." A peppermint cool voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Good evening, Prince Loki." Scalebe replied in his gravelly voice. "I assume you will be joining our second foreparty at midnight?"

Loki nodded. "Do you happen to have any other spirits? I should like to try some of the other beverages you have acquired over the centuries."

Smirking, Scalebe waved to two other guards. "Come with me, Prince. I have a feeling you'll love this drink."

Loki followed the guards, full to the brim with curiosity. What spirit would he definitely enjoy? Furrowing his brow in concentration, Loki continued to ponder this, until they got to a small tirantium hut.

"Stay outside. Guard the doors." Commanded Scalebe. The two guards nodded briskly before walking into position.

Entering the hut, Loki drew in an astonished breath. The hut was in actuality, much bigger than the outside. Shelves of bottles were neatly organized by alphabetical order, by alcoholic content, place of origin, and even by the color of the liquor. Amazed, Loki's eyes fell upon the bottle currently cradled in the general's arms.

"This is Absithei, made by the Jotuns. It is the most potent of all liquors. Would you care to try it during our foreparty tonight?" Scalebe asked.

Grinning, Loki answered with a mischievous glint in his green eyes. "Do you need to ask?"

*These are variations of the real ingredients. I figured the names would have changed a bit as they got to Midgard, so I changed it a little. Can you guess the real names?

Sorry all, drunk Loki arrives next chapter. Someone asked if he would dance, and since we had to actually dance Gangnam Style today, Imma gonna put that in. Hahaha.

Also, yeah, I suppose Loki's fangirls will be sobbing. A hard kick to that certain place is painful, and very crippling.

Hope you liked this, and thanks soooo much for your continued reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe****. ****Oh, by the way, they are celebrating in (or on, you pick) military headquarters, to answer ****The ParadoxicalOtaku****'s question.**

_**Chapter Three: Gangnam Style**_

Scalebe had assigned Captain Adrool the task of making sure Denant did not attempt to steal the Absithei. Adrool was to be, unfortunately, handcuffed to Lieutenant Denant, even in the bathroom! Adrool was not looking forward to this assignment, even if he got to spend more time off his shift. Another reason the Captain hated his assignment was because he was the officer that had ended up on the roof (remember?).

When Denant saw Adrool, his face paled (an amazing feat, due to the fact that their faces were made of metal) and he put on an apologetic smile. "Captain! I wanted to say- that is- erm, I'm very, very, _very_ sorry about the bar fight- couldn't have had a better handler-"

Adrool glared at the cowering Lieutenant. Poor Denant.

"Let's go, Lieutenant." He said harshly. Denant gave him the big, watery puppy eyes again, and Adrool felt his stony face crumble. _Why, why oh why did Denant have such an adorable puppy face?_

Meanwhile, our resident God of Mischief was already sitting at the bar with an entire bottle of Absithei, listening to the new radio the Chitauri had looted from a nearby planet. Loki was surrounded by two attractive female officers, both hanging onto his every word, gazing at him adoringly. Loki, half drunk and pleased with all the attention, carefully decided to not tell them about the Bilgesnipe story.

When Adrool and Denant arrived, Loki had already passed the point of tipsy, into full-blown drunk. "Ah, Captain Drool and Lieutenant Denant!" Loki slurred, drawing amused sniggers from the two female officers. A loud, obnoxious song came on, in a language Loki didn't care to understand. Giggling, the two officers dragged a confused Loki to the dance floor, dancing to the beat.

"Woppan Gangnam Style!" The radio blared. Wincing slightly, Loki retreated to the bar for another bottle. In a few more minutes he was too drunk to even care about what he was doing. A fast learner, Loki quickly caught on to how the dance went, and all the females present were impressed at his dancing skills (who knew?)

But the highlight of the night was when Loki jumped onto a table, and proceeded to backflip off of it, landing into Adrena (one of the female officers) arms, where he did some things I am too young to mention.

Yet another surprise was waiting for Loki in the morning, but at least all of the extra mead was gone!


	5. Chapter 5

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe. Finally, I bring to you insane!drunk!Loki! If the script isn't quite right, feel free to tell me! By the way, don't forget to look at the note at the bottom of the chapter.**

_**Chapter Four: Midgard, At Last**_

The first thing Loki felt before opening his eyes was a slight pressure in his left hand. The second thing that registered was the flash of blue that was muted by his eyelids. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw that he was in some sort of building. A tablet was directly in front of him, and he picked it up in his right hand, reading the characters that appeared on the screen.

"Dear Prince Loki,

For some odd reason, you activated the Tesseract, grabbed a bottle of Absithei, and teleported somewhere. If you are still alive and well, do send us a message. Oh, and the scepter is now with you. Use it well, Prince.

Sincerely,

General Scalebe

P.S: Adrena is asking about you. What should I tell her?"

Grimacing, Loki looked up, seeing several humans move swiftly yet hesitantly towards him.

"Sir, please, put down the scepter." A tall man with an eye-patch requested boldly. Glancing down, Loki saw that the scepter only he could use was clutched tightly in his left hand. Ah. So that was the pressure.

Loki looked back up at the group of people, and all of a sudden he felt really giddy, so he fired a blast at the machines behind the group of people. They scattered, ducking for cover. As Loki walked down from the platform, one of the humans ran forward, throwing a punch in his direction. Loki grabbed his wrist with his right hand (the tablet was safely stowed away somewhere on his person), and looked into the man's blue eyes. "You have heart." Loki whispered, and pressed the tip of the scepter to his chest. Grunting, the man fought the mind control, but his struggles were futile. In mere seconds, the man's eyes glazed over with the bright blue of the Tesseract. When the man placed his weapon back into its holster, Loki released a breath.

From the corner of his eyes, Loki saw the eye-patch man discreetly pack the Tesseract into a case. "Stop. I still need that." He said, slightly out of breath.

"This doesn't have to get any messier." The man tried to diffuse the situation.

"Of course it does. I've come too far for anything else." Loki laughed. "I am Loki, of Asgard."

"Loki! Brother of Thor!" The physicist exclaimed from the ground, where he had been examining a woman's wounds. Gritting his teeth, Loki chose to ignore the man.

"We have no quarrel with your people." The man with eye-patch told him.

"An ant has no quarrel with a boot, so it doesn't really matter."

"Are you planning to step on us?" The eye-patch cried incredulously.

"I come with glad tidings," Loki replied. "Of a world made free."

"Free from what?"

Loki narrowed his eyes. "Freedom."

Fury only glared back."Freedom is life's great lie. Once you accept that- in your heart-" He broke off, putting the staff to the physicist's chest- "you will know peace."

"Yeah, you say peace." Fury's tone was sarcastic. "I kind of think you mean the other thing."

"Sir," began the first man."Director Fury is stalling. This place is about to blow, and drop a hundred feet of rock on us. He means to bury us."

"Like the pharaohs of old," Fury confirmed.

"He's right," the physicist called from behind a computer screen. "The portal is collapsing in on itself. We've got maybe two minutes before this goes critical."

Loki turned to Barton. "Well, then."

Without the need for an explicit command, Clint raised his weapon and fired a bullet directly into Fury's shoulder. He picked up the briefcase containing the Tesseract, and they left the headquarters.

"Once we are away from here," Loki instructed, "we will need a safe place to hide. Do you know a place?"

The man with a weapon marched forward, his eyes fixed on a spot ahead. "I do."

"I assume you can lead a grand escape."

"We'll take one of the trucks." The armed man told Loki.

Grinning, Loki nodded. "Good. Now, what has your military discovered about the Tesseract?"

**Thanks so much for the continued reviews! You guys are the greatest. Do you think I should stick to the movie, or go off and do my own thing (etc. Loki bribing Hawkeye with alcohol, Stark not coming back from the portal)?**


	6. Chapter 6

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe. If the script isn't quite right, feel free to tell me! Some bits will stick to the movie, but otherwise I'll give the plot a little twist. Tell me if you have any suggestions!**

_**Chapter Five: Infiltration by Alcohol?**_

Loki strutted about on the second floor of the German building. Barton, the first man he had taken control of, needed an eye as well as a distraction for the Tesseract's stabilizer. This also gave Loki an opportunity to get aboard the Helicarrier (S.H.I.E.L.D's base of operations) and divide Fury's (the eye-patch man) little team of 'heroes' up.

Checking his tablet for the time, Loki decided that the moment had come. Moving swiftly down the staircase, Loki tossed his disguised scepter up into the air, and slammed it into one of the guard's abdomen.

The people from the gala quickly ran for the exits as Loki grabbed the man he needed, flipped him onto the horrendous thing that conveniently served as a table, and placed the device onto his eye.

The man thrashed around, but no one could break a god's hold. The man was soon subdued, the scan complete, and the building was emptied. Smirking to himself, Loki conjured up the hidden bottle of Absithei, and took a small sip. His throat immediately felt warm, then it began to grow colder in his stomach. Courage bolstered, and feeling more than a little tipsy (yes, it really is that strong), he let his magic wash over himself and changed into a more fitting attire.

As Loki stood over the cowering humans, he felt almost disappointed. Was no one going to stand up to him? Where was the challenge? He prattled on, hoping to trigger someone's anger so he could vaporize one of them. It wouldn't do for a king to randomly kill off subjects, of course.

An old man finally stood up. "We will never bow to men like you." He chastised Loki in a thick accent.

A bit miffed, Loki bit back: "There are no men like me." _I am a _god_, human_, Loki thought.

"There are always men like you." Came his reply.

Grinning like a maniac, Loki pointed the scepter at the man. "Looki to your elder, people. Let him be an example."

The old man's eyes widened fearfully as he realized what was about to happen, but just as Loki fired off a blast, a figure jumped down from an aircraft, deflecting the blast. Loki flew backwards, landing on his back painfully. _So, they think to challenge me? I'll show them!_

Loki got up a little shakily (the alcohol was affecting his brain). "The man out of time." He smirked at the man wearing red, blue and white. His shield had the same pattern.

"I'm not the one who's out of time." The soldier snarked, momentarily confusing Loki. _But he is out of time!_

Too late, Loki saw the shield fly towards him. Stumbling out of the way, the shield clipped his shoulder, and Loki grimaced in pain. Raising his scepter, he fired the energy in the soldier's direction, then he jumped forward before his opponent could recover.

Loki knocked the man to his knees, and he placed the blunt end of his weapon on his nape. "Kneel." Loki hissed.

"Not today!" The patriotic soldier grunted, knocking away the scepter. Loki managed to stop the other man from reaching his shield, but then a blast of loud, obnoxious music rang through the air.

"Miss me, Romanoff?" A voice yelled over the noise, which was soon followed by a man completely encased in metal that was colored red and gold. The metal man hovered a little off the ground, pointing a lot of sharp things in Loki's face. "Make your move, Reindeer Games." Loki carefully put his hands up, hiding his triumphant smirk. His armor melted away into his previous suit, the scepter out of reach.

JAP

"I don't get it." The 'Capsicle' muttered to the metal man.

"What, Rock of Ages giving up?"

"I don't remember it being this easy. This guy packs a punch."

Before the metal man could reply, however, thunder boomed. Loki glanced up with fake fear. 'Capsicle' noticed this, and snarked: "What, scared of a little lightning?"

"I'm not overly fond of what follows." Loki answered truthfully. Inside, he was grinning like the cat that got the canary, a big bowl of cream, _and_ a dish of milk. The metal man looked like he was on the verge of a question, but then a loud thud was heard.

"What the hell was that?" The metal man murmured, opening one of the aircraft's doors. Loki's heart almost stopped at the sight.

Thor. Angry at him, for once. It seemed almost surreal. For a moment Loki wanted to give up his poisonous dream, forget everything he had done, but it faded as he remembered his heritage. They could never be brothers again, so what point was there in trying?

Tossing aside the metal man, Thor stomped in like a petulant child, grabbed Loki like a ragdoll, and jumped out.

Loki groaned as they landed on a rocky outcliff, but it soon turned into a condescending laugh. "Ah, how I've missed you, Thor." He said only a touch wistfully.

"Brother, stop this madness!" Thor pleaded, shaking Loki.

A thought suddenly struck Loki. "Did you mourn?" He whispered, longing to know.

Thor's eyes grew wet. "We all did. Our mother, our father-"

Loki cut him off sharply. "_Your_ father, Thor. Or did the Allfather not tell you of my true heritage?" _But Frigga will always be my mother. Nothing can change that._

"That does not matter, Loki! We played together, we fought together-" Thor broke off, glancing at Loki hopefully. "Do you remember none of that?"

"I remember a shadow!" Loki burst out furiously. "I remember living in the shadow of your greatness, for how could I ever even _hope_ to compete with the almighty _Thor_!"

"These are imagined slights, Loki! Stop this right now! Come home." Thor begged.

Loki turned away. _I'm sorry. _"I don't have the Tesseract. I've sent it off, I know not where."

Thor growled. "You listen well, Brother-" A flash of red and gold slammed into Thor, knocking him off the small cliff.

Loki cocked his head to the side. "I'm listening." _Brother._

JAP

Finally, after a surprisingly and disappointingly short fight between the three superheroes, Loki was escorted to the cell built for the green beast.

Director Fury walked up to him. "You so much as scratch that cell-" Fury stabbed one of the buttons on the control panel. The floor beneath Loki's cell opened, and Loki leaned over slightly, looking at the clouds beneath his feet. _That is a much shorter fall than the one from Asgard to Chitaur._

"It's an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me."

"Built for something a lot stronger than you."

Sneering, Loki walked to the front of the cage. "Oh, I've heard. The beast who makes play he's still a man. How desperate _are_ you, that you've turned to such _lost_ creatures to defend yourself?"

"You threaten my world with war; you enslave one of my best agents- you have made me _very_ desperate."

Loki summoned his bottle of alcohol. Taking a swig, he raised an eyebrow at the bald man. "Why do you want the Tesseract? You can't control it, you don't know how to harness it- even if you did know, what would you use it for? _A warm light for all mankind to share_?" Loki looked straight up at the camera in his cell. Turning back to Fury, he stated: "And then you will be reminded what _real _power is."

Fury sized him up, snorting: "Well, tell me if real power wants a magazine or something." He walked away, but Loki wasn't satisfied with not having the last word.

"I do want one, actually!" Loki called after the retreating man, smirking to himself as Fury spluttered incoherently.

"You won't get one!" He managed to yell back.

"Never mind, I have alcohol!" Ha.

Fury turned so fast Loki marveled at the fact that all of the bald man was intact. "What did you say?"

"I said, I. Have. Alcohol." Loki said slowly and patiently, like one would speak to a small child. Loki conspicuously held up the bottle, and without breaking eye contact with Fury, took a swig. Loki was very happy with the vein that bulged out from Fury's forehead.

Muttering darkly, Fury glared at him. "We'll have to confiscate that."

Sneering, Loki bared his teeth at Fury. "I'd like to see you try." And with that, Loki turned his back to Fury.

It really shouldn't have surprised Fury when Loki dropped his pants and pointed his rear end at Fury. It really shouldn't have.

Loki really shouldn't have been surprised when Fury almost dropped Loki from the Helicarrier. As it was, the next day all Loki got for his meal was a note.

It shouldn't have surprised Fury when Loki ate the note without looking at its contents.

Loki: 2, Fury: 0.


	7. Chapter 7

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe. If the script isn't quite right, feel free to tell me! Some bits will stick to the movie, but otherwise I'll give the plot a little twist. Tell me if you have any suggestions! Thank you **_**sequestration13 **_**for pointing out my mistakes in the script! In case you were wondering, yup! This is the AU chapter! Happy reading!**

_**Chapter Six: I've Got Alcohol, Screw the World!**_

Loki smirked to himself. He and Director Fury had been playing a game these past few days. A game that Loki knew he would win. A battle of cheekiness, of wits, of taunts and sharp retorts.

And the tally was, of course, up to Loki: 3, Fury: 0.

Loki was currently sitting on the tiny bench within his cell, sipping his alcohol nonchalantly while Fury stared at him with the eye-patch. If Loki was completely honest with himself, he would admit that the eye-patch unnerved him, just a little. But Loki was never honest. Almost.

Fury's eye twitched. Loki continued drinking. "What the _beep_ are you up to?" Stark said as he walked into the room. Both pairs of eyes turned to him.

"Mommy!" Stark mock-squealed as he saw Fury. "Mommy, Capsicle is being mean! He stole my toy!"

Fury stared at him. "Stark. Get the hell out of my interrogation room!"

Stark ignored him and pointed an accusatory finger at Loki. "Yesterday Bruce almost Hulked out because of the scepter's weird voodoo." Loki smirked at him evilly.

"I do not control the scepter, Mr. Stark. The scepter does what pleases the master." Loki lied. Of course he was using the scepter, even if it wasn't in his own hands. He looked up at the security camera boredly. Why was Barton taking so long to take the Helicarrier out of commission?

"Yeah, like anyone will buy that, Reindeer Games. Blueberry?" Stark offered the bag of treats to Fury. His glare could have incinerated the offensive berries.

"Stark." Fury managed to ground out. "Aren't you supposed to be running tests on the scepter?"

Stark ignored the furious man. "You are playing a dangerous game here, Reindeer Games. I want to be there when it blows up in your face." With that, Stark turned around and walked back the way he had come from.

Fury clenched and unclenched his hands a few times. Loki was still sipping. Finally, Director Fury snapped out: "Will you never run out of alcohol?"

Smirking up at Fury, Loki quipped: "Does it look like I will?" He turned his back on the furious director, watching him subtly from the glass.

Finally, Fury cracked. "You are despicable." Loki waved for him to continue. "You kill because it's fun, and now you're getting even more inebriated, like you really don't care what happens."

Loki cackled. "Screw you, Nicky, I've got my alcohol!" By now, he was more than a little tipsy. A sharp gasp told him that Fury wasn't alone anymore.

Loki looked up. Aha. So the 'Avengers' had arrived. Loki scanned each of their expressions.

Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, appeared calm, but the Trickster could sense the anger boiling beneath her in waves. How convenient.

Steve Rogers was positively seething, but Tony Stark, on the other hand, looked beyond gleeful. He was also eyeing the alcohol in Loki's hands, making him hug the bottle even tighter to his chest.

Dr. Banner looked mildly amused, but Thor looked absolutely- what was the word, pessed? Passed?- no, _pissed_. He looked like he was about to summon Mjolnir again.

Loki cackled again. "Tony! Tony, Tony, Tony! My buddy!" Loki walked into the glass wall and his magic lashed out, swarming his body. In a second, all of the Avengers had their weapons out, save for Banner, Stark and Thor.

Staggering back, Loki stared at the cage wall and pouted. Hugging the bottle like a teddy bear, he sniffled and even his lip wobbled. In three seconds flat, he went from tipsy enemy to confused toddler.

"WAHHHHHH!" The Loki-toddler wailed. The toddler looked exactly like Loki, except for the fact that he was much smaller, about three years old, and much louder.

Fury sighed. He hated alcohol.


	8. Chapter 8

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe. If the script isn't quite right, feel free to tell me! Some bits will stick to the movie, but otherwise I'll give the plot a little twist. Tell me if you have any suggestions! I'm not sure 'freezingly' is a word, but if it isn't, ah well. Sorry this took so long, hope you all enjoy this!**

_**Chapter Seven: To Drink or Not To Drink**_

Fury sighed.

Yesterday, Loki had finally turned back into an adult, after a week of relentless crying. Really, that was just heartless on Loki's part.

At least Fury had managed to confiscate the bottle. There was no label, although Fury wasn't very surprised at that. The bottle was freezingly cold, and the liquid seemed to never run dry. He would know, having vainly tried to empty the bottle for thirty minutes before admitting defeat.

Fury slumped in his chair, ignoring the beeps from his phone. He really needed a vacation.

Really, this was becoming ridiculous. Having a staredown with a bottle of alcohol was not how he wanted to spend his days, so instead Fury jotted down possible vacation destinations.

_The Bahamas would be nice. Hawaii is very secluded, some of the islands at least. Russia is a no, it's never warm there. Not China, I don't speak the damn language. Australia? No, 80% of the world's deadliest animals live on that country. Damn it. How about New Zealand? Kenya, maybe? Niagara Falls is looking nice this time of the year, but everything is so beeping expensive in Canada. Cuba? The Bermuda Triangle? _

His thoughts were very rudely interrupted by a knock on the door. Ignoring it, Fury went back to his staredown.

Should he drink a little? He needed it badly, and of course his Helicarrier didn't allow alcohol on board. How Stark had managed to sneak a bottle of Scotch on was a mystery.

A little voice nagged at him to not drink it, because who knows what Loki could have done to it? Another little voice told him that he needed the alcohol, so screw everything else. It sounded suspiciously like Stark.

_Argh._


	9. Chapter 9

Just Another Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel characters that appear in this fanfic. I only own the plot and the names of the Chitauri. *By the way, I made up the metal and the name of the Chitauri home planet. Hehe. If the script isn't quite right, feel free to tell me! Some bits will stick to the movie, but otherwise I'll give the plot a little twist. Tell me if you have any suggestions! So sorry for not updating sooner, wish all of you a belated Hau'oli Kalikimaka!**

_**Chapter Eight: Tastes Like F***ing Vodka To Me**_

__Phil Coulson walked into Director Fury's office with a cautious air about him. The man was careful to not make any noises, and in his right hand he held a little black device.

His eyes betrayed his terror and dread, but otherwise his face was impassive. Maria Hill fingered her gun as she walked in behind him, wondering exactly why it had to be their shift today.

The office was a mess. Chairs were strewn all over the place, and all of the tables save for one were overturned. The ceiling was cracked and so was the marble floor, and cookie crumbs were scattered on the floor.

A man lay on the remaining table, panting lightly. He pointed his gun at the two agents, before his eye lit up in recognition. The barrel lowered, and Fury coughed, gesturing at the unbroken bottle beside him.

"It tastes like f***ing vodka. I knew there was another reason for hating Russia."

JAP

_Earlier that day…_

Nick Fury picked up the bottle. He narrowed his eyes at it, scanning the bottle for a label of sorts. Nothing but an expiration date.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, Fury took a sip. Then another, until he thought he had finished the bottle. But when he next looked at it, it seemed as though not a single drop was missing.

And because it's Fury, he's a violent drunk with an appetite for choco-oat cookies.


End file.
